When the Rain Falls
by Zane's Girl- Jo
Summary: As she closed her eyes and made a wish, she tasted the salt of her tears as they mixed with the crispness of the rain. She knew for a fact, that her wish would never come true. No matter how hard she wished. Set directly after The Ex-Files ends, mentions of Zane.


**When the Rain Falls**

**R****if****iuto: Non Miriena **

**Summary: As she closed her eyes and made a wish, she tasted the salt of her tears as they mixed with the crispness of the rain. She knew for a fact, that her wish would never come true. No matter how hard she wished. Set directly after _The Ex-Files_ ends.**

_When it rains, open the windows and make a wish. If the drops hit your face, your wish will come true..._

Lightning split the sky, illuminating the world outside her window. She turned from it; there would be wishing tonight, no feeling the moisture on her face, no coming true, not for her. Taking a deep breath, she went into the kitchen and grabbed the hot tea AIDA had fixed for her before padding back into the living room and curling up on the sofa, pulling a worn afghan around her.

The fire crackled in the fireplace, and she watched in silence as Tom Hanks returned to the Empire State building, only to come face to face with Meg Ryan. Her eyes began to cloud over as the pair left in the elevator, holding hands. _If only falling in love were that simple..._

She took a deep breath, looking down into her tea, running her finger over the rim as her tears dropped into the liquid. She looked up as thunder rumbled overhead, sniffling. After everything she'd done today, she didn't even deserve to have the word love thrown in her direction ever again. She'd fucked up royally, to the point that they'd all be lucky if they didn't wake up the next morning and immediately get carted off to federal to be sanctioned. Then again, in her case, maybe that would be a good thing.

"Are you all right, Jo? I detect an alarming dip in your serotonin levels. Shall I call Dr. Blake? Jo?"

"Sorry? No... no, AIDA. Don't call Allison, there's no need."

"Are you sure? Because my scans indicate-"

"I'm sure. It's just... been a really rough day, and I'm just... tired, is all. I'm fine." When she was certain the house had left her alone, she returned to staring into the flames, becoming lost in thought. What had she done, in her timeline, to warrant being sent to this one? What awful, horrible thing had she done that would cause Zane to be taken away from her? To have him be replaced with this new callous one? Was this her punishment for hesitating? For not going after him? Had she done this to herself?

She glanced back towards the window, as lightning split the sky. Funny, every heartbreaking thing that had happened to her happened on a stormy, rainy night. Her mother died on the night lightning caused a power outage in central Jersey; her brother Davie had died in Afghanistan on the stormiest night in New England history. Luca had been injured in a six car pileup coming home from the airport, hours before New York City began to flood; she herself had watched her high school crush get struck by lightning during a stormy summer shower- their graduation night, as they'd been coming back from the party- and die. Rowley, one of her best friends, had lost her entire family in a house fire- started by an electrical shortage- on the night of their junior prom, as the rain poured, helping the fire department put the fire out; the night after they'd come to this timeline, it had started raining- the same night that she'd lost Zane- and now, this. Rain was cursed, as far as she was concerned.

A moment passed, before she set her mug on the table and got up.

She flicked the nearest light off, and then headed to the stairs. "AIDA, lights." Instantly the lights dimmed before going off, and slowly, she climbed the stairs. As she entered her room, the fire started up in the fireplace, and the lights came on dim. She took a seat on the bed, looking around. A moment passed, before she got up, going to her dresser. She rummaged around, searching for something. "No... no, it has to be here." But she stumbled away, sitting in front of the fireplace, knees to her chest.

_How could it not be there?_ The small photo album she kept in her drawer- filled with photographs of her and Zane together- was gone. _Because this isn't your timeline, remember?_

She took a deep breath, forcing herself to remember that this was an alternate timeline, where she and Zane had never dated, let alone been in love.

_"I don't understand..."_ She leaned her head back against the bed, struggling to keep from going through a complete mental breakdown. That was the last thing she needed. She reached up; her throat was bare, the chain still residing on her desk at work, void of ring. And suddenly, what she'd done that afternoon came rushing back to her in vivid, heartwrenching detail. "What did I do? Huh? What did I do to deserve this?"

The taste of his lips on hers, the feel of his hands on her body, the way they slid together, how she leaned into the kiss, wanting more, even as she reached up to brush her fingers over his cheek-

For a few blissful, beautiful moments, she was back in her Zane's arms, after a night of movies or karaoke at Cafe Diem, sharing a deep kiss before they'd fall into bed and make love to the sound of the rain on the roof.

And then Zoe walked in.

And Jo's world came crashing back to reality.

_Nothing's as it seems-_

She shook her head, sending the memory scattering in every direction. As she glanced towards the flames, she realized there was one more place she could check. But as she opened the door to her closet and searched the shelves, she found nothing but disappointment. She caught sight of herself in the mirror on the door, and struggled to keep from breaking into tears.

Lost, heartbroken, crushed. Tears, falling from her eyes, traveling the tracks left by previous tears, making her look like a lost child, wanting her mother.

She quickly brushed the tears away, sniffling, before turning from the mirror taking a seat on the edge of her bed. She took several deep breaths, counting to ten, before looking towards the window as lightning split the sky. Fresh tears slid down her cheeks, mirroring the rivlets of rain rushing down the window pane.

_There's no difference between teardrops and the rain, Josefina. Understand? When the rain falls, it's just Heaven crying. And all they're doing is growing something good; that's all tears do, sweetheart, they're just trying to grow something good too. Except that tears grow good things out of pain. All the pain you feel and experience, it's just the tears trying to do their work. It's the same thing, love. The only difference is the name. That's all._

"What's going to grow out of this pain, Mama?" She choked out. "What good can _possibly_ come out of this pain?"

She sniffled, reaching up to run a hand under her eyes before getting up. She made her way into the bathroom, turning her gaze to the mirror.

_"Look at yourself, Josefina."_

_"I don't want to, Mommy."_

_"Why not?"_

_"Because I'm ugly."_

_"Why are you ugly, Carino?" _

_"Because of these."_

_"The tears?"_

She leaned against the counter, taking deep breaths as the memory faded. Her mother had brought her into the bathroom one stormy night, turned her towards the mirror, and asked her what she saw. And then she'd told her about the tears growing things. And Jo, being a child, had believed every word. But she'd been a child, and hadn't known better. She hadn't known that her mother would die three years later, or that she would lose a brother to war, a second family to fire, a boyfriend to a freak accident, or her fiance to time travel and an alternate universe. She couldn't possibly have known the heartache she'd got through as an adult, and so took her mother's words to heart.

"I was an idiot." She choked out, meeting her eyes in the mirror. "I was an idiot to believe that all these years. To... to think of life that way, and let myself repeatedly get hurt..." She swallowed, taking a deep breath. "There's happy, and there's sad, and that's_ it_. There's no in between. The fact that I... that I could fall for that... and believe it... just shows how stupid I really am. How duped I was into believing that there was such a thing as true love. Sadness can't make the happiness more true, Mama. No matter what you told me. I know the truth."

She moved away from the mirror, going back into her bedroom. She looked around, before grabbing a photo album off her bookshelf and taking a seat on her bed. Photos of her mom and dad- happily in love- stared up at her. Their wedding photos tugged at her heart, bringing back the painful reminder that she would never have her own wedding, because the man she loved was dead and gone.

_"You have to understand, Josefina, that there's more than one way to love." _

_"What do you mean?" _

_"Well, there's touching- that's one way to love." _

_"Like this?"_

Her mom had laughed and pressed a kiss to her hand, before pulling her into her arms. She'd smothered her with kisses, telling her the various ways a person could love someone. _You made it seem so easy._

She flipped to the back of the album, and stopped, her mouth falling open. Was that? No, it couldn't be.

There, at the back of the album, among the photographs of her parents, her brothers and her friends, was a single photograph of her and Zane. Caught in the middle of a kiss when the camera went off, her arms were wrapped tight around his neck; he held her close, arms around her waist. She wore his black leather jacket on over a pair jeans and white tank, her long black hair down around her shoulders.

A moment passed, as she ran a finger over the photograph, tracing his outline, as tears clouded her vision.

_"Touching's not the only way to feel, darling. Remember that."_

She took a deep breath, as tears dripped onto the photograph, forever locked in time. And then she grabbed the album, throwing it across the room. The photograph unlodged itself from the album, floating to the floor as the album struck the wall before joining it. She pulled her knees to her chest, burying her fingers in her hair.

How? How the hell had _that_ photograph ended up here? _Why_ that one? Why not any of the others?

"This is my punishment, isn't it? _Isn't it?_ You take the man I love away from me, but leave that photograph! Why? What did I do to deserve this? Fargo, Carter, Allison, Henry... they all got everything they could have asked for! I _lost everything! You took everything from me_! _Why? Why did you take Zane?_ Why did you take him away from me? I _love him..._ and you took him. _Why? What did I do to deserve that? Huh? What did I do to deserve having my entire life ripped out from under me? What?"_

She got no answer. She expected none.

"_What good can possibly come out of this?_ Nothing. Not that I can see."

She curled up on the bed, staring out the open window. The rain pelted her face, and she sniffled. Against her mood, she did as she'd always done during a rainstorm. As she closed her eyes and made a wish, she tasted the salt of her tears as they mixed with the crispness of the rain. She choked on a sob, burying her face in her pillow. She knew for a fact, that her wish would never come true. No matter how hard she wished.

_There's no difference between teardrops and the rain. The only difference is the name. _


End file.
